Mother’s Day Interview: My Mother at My Age
"You're just like your mother."
Why is that always stated as an insult?
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all."
What's so wrong with that?
Photo credit: Deb Shields Photography
If I turn out to be half the success my mother is, I will count myself blessed.
We are so critical of mothers. Our own mothers, our mother-in-law's, mothers we see in public. Even when we become a mother, the mom-shamming continues. It's no wonder so many of us feel a combination of excitement and pure panic the moment we discover we are going to be a mother. As women, we have various social pressures on our shoulders. We want to keep a precise figure, maintain a trendy style, keep a clean house, etcetera. Then, as if becoming a mother doesn't complicate all of those things, we add "raise the perfect children" to the list.
We say Mother's Day is a time to appreciate what your mother has done for you. But to truly appreciate what someone has accomplished, you have to understand what they've gone through to get there. In just a few short weeks, I will be leaving my 20s entering the 30s club. On this Mother's Day, in order to appreciate what my mother has done for me, I want to understand where she came from when she was my age. I composed an interview designed to see into my mother's world at 30. This interview is unique because she had me at the same age I had my son, 28. She also had two school-age children at the time, so her life looked different, but I am excited to see what having a two-year-old was like for her while I raise my two-year-old.
“I hadn’t thought about that time of my life in a really long time. This was a really tough time but you never think about that. ...we had a very wonderful life.”
What was the best part of being my mother?
There were so many "bests." I don't even know how to begin. I think the best all-around is to see the world through your eyes. With each child, I was able to unite with you in a unique way that only you could share because it was sharing your life with me.
What was the worst part?
Learning how to respond to the stubborn and frustrations that would suddenly come upon you at the drop of a hat.
What was a typical day like for you at age 30?
Busy with three kids and babysitting at home for two more. Luckily, I had friends nearby to socialize with. It was lonely sometimes because your dad traveled about three weeks out of a month, and I was on my own. It was important to have interests and hobbies that I could get into. It was hard at that time, too, because my parents had split-up and were getting a divorce.
What accomplishments were you proud of at this age?
Growing in faith.
And what did you still want to accomplish?
Get my college degree.
What was your biggest struggle at age 30?
Developing self-confidence and learning how to raise teens. I also continually struggled to lose weight.
Where did you see your future heading at age 30, and how does that compare to where you are today?
Strangely, I didn't think too far into the future. I was struggling with my relationship with my mom too, and your dad was in school finishing his degree. When he wasn't traveling, he was at school three nights a week. I always held on to getting additional education, though.
What was your biggest insecurity at age 30?
Failing as a mom.
How do you look back at that age now?
I hadn’t thought about that time of my life in a really long time. This was a really tough time but you never think about that. It was hard work, and parts were painful with my own mother, but my kids and hubby were wonderful and we had a very wonderful life.
If you could go back and give one piece of advice to your 30-year-old self, what would it be?
You don't need to waste your time on that. It doesn't matter 28 years from now. The only thing that matters is loving your family and growing in faith. That's it.
What is something important to you at age 30 that seems silly to you now?
Obsessing on weight loss and worrying about things that weren't important
What did you find hard about motherhood at age 30?
Loneliness sometimes. It was hard babysitting in the house too.
Do you think it is easier or harder to raise a family today than it was then?
Every generation has hardships and conveniences that are unique to that age. I think it is the same now as it was 100 years ago. It's relative to what your world is.
Photo credit: Deb Shields Photography
“The only thing that matters is loving your family and growing in faith. That’s it.”
Today, my mother has a master's degree and is a successful human resource manager at a company she loves. She will be the first to tell you how hard it was to earn a degree while raising three kids, but I feel so fortunate to have been around to watch it all.
As my older siblings grew, it became challenging to babysit out of the house. So, my mom took a nannying job for the family across the street. This job allowed her to give her older two their privacy at home while still being able to take me with her. When I grew old enough to be home alone, she took a job as a secretary. She continued to grow, moving up with each job to the one she holds today.
As she mentioned, my dad also earned a degree while raising us. I was too young to remember much about him being in school, but I still feel the life lesson was instilled in us. The lesson that you do not have to come from a fortune to make something of yourself. They were young parents, but they strengthened and supported each other. They took turns going to school while providing for their family. Together, they built themselves up from the ground. What they were able to provide for me by the time I was a teenager was never taken for granted because I watched them work hard to afford this life for us.
Photo credit: OBX Photography
What strikes me most about this interview is how much she has grown in 28 years, yet, at the time, she had no intention of doing so. She had not looked that far into the future. I have no doubt their journey together was full of stress and breakdowns, but that's not what she remembers today. Her main focus was raising and loving her children. That lesson was instilled in me with me as well. Although it was not an observation I made during my childhood, it was something I felt.
As far as her insecurity at that age: "failing as a mom." I may be biased, but I happen to believe she and my dad raised three incredibly successful and well-rounded children.
We are our own worse critics. Yet, the take-away message for all the mothers out there is one I think we all already know. You do not have to do or be anything special. Love your babies, and they will love you for it.
