Balancing School and Family
“ I saw that even adults have more to learn and room for growth. She showed me never to stop improving yourself. I have no memory of her not having time for me... I remember her dedication to her goals. ”
Remember those days in college when you could slowly wake at noon, work on an assignment, hit the gym, maybe shower, and make it to your 3:00 lecture in time? I know our memories play a clever trick in painting a prettier picture than what was reality. Still, I find it hard to remember why college stressed me out so bad. Cut to four years later. I have a husband, I have a job, I have a house, I have a baby...and I have a 3:00 lecture to attend. I’ve been there, done that, and I have to say: I do not recommend it. I’ve mentioned before when deciding to have a baby; you want all possible distractions eliminated. So, what if you’re finding this post because you are already there? Maybe you’re pregnant and still finishing school. Perhaps you’ve decided to start school with a baby at home. Whatever your situation, to anyone who is already on their way down this path, I want you to know it is possible. And I’m going to help you through this!
Separation of school and home
The first thing you need to when deciding you’re going to jump into this is to set up your boundaries. Carve out enough study time away from the house so that when you’re home, you can spend that time with your family guilt-free. Do not bring school into your home, literally. Leave your books in the car, schedule an appropriate amount of homework time at a coffee shop or a quiet corner at the school, and meet up with study groups outside your home. When you are on school time, focus on school. When you’re home, focus on home. It will be easy for the line to get blurred sometimes. You may not always want to focus on school when you know what you’re missing at home. Or it may be challenging to be present with your family when you have mounds of schoolwork due. In these cases, you can adjust your schedule accordingly. Find what works for you but stick to it!
Support systems are your friends
If you are lucky enough to have a support system, use it! I had my husband and two sets of over-eager grandparents who would take care of my son any time I needed. Unfortunately, not everyone has that. Chances are, somebody at some point has or will offer to help. Now is not the time to be a hero. What you are doing is hard. Those who are offering to help can already appreciate the overload on your plate. If you don’t have close friends or family to babysit, look into neighborhood kids who want to make a few bucks. Young aspiring babysitters can get their experience staying with the baby while you’re in the other room (and at a low price). Yes, this could be distracting. Yes, it breaks the separation of school and home. However, over time you may become comfortable enough with the arrangement to leave the house for small amounts of time. Again, you don’t have to prove you’re a hero (you already are). Any little bit of help you can get, take it!
This too shall pass
Finally, the most simplistic and possibly the best way to keep your sanity is always to remember this is temporary. Make it your mantra. Set your eyes on the finish line and know when you’re there, your schedule will free up again. I recall my son’s first fall season I didn’t have the time to do all the festive things I wanted. I was incredibly disappointed to miss out on festivals and pumpkin patches with my newly created family during one of my favorite seasons. The truth was, it was not the time for me that year. That year I had projects to finish, clinical hours to serve, and exams to pass. By the time the next fall season rolled around, I would have a free schedule. I set my eyes on that and carried on with what needed doing. There will be other falls.
The impact may not be what you’re thinking
I wasn’t the only one to finish school with a family. My mom earned her bachelor’s degree when I was young and has since gone on to earn a master’s. I watched her lug around a stack of books, waited up for her to come home from night classes, listened as she practiced presentations, and all the while, I was learning from her. I saw that even adults have more to learn and room for growth. She showed me never to stop improving yourself. I have no memory of her not having time for me. I’m sure we missed more than a trip to the pumpkin patch in those years. I remember her dedication to her goals. When your heart is aching for your family at home while you’re in a coffee shop with a study group, remember that they won’t remember the times you aren’t there. If they are old enough to form memories of you being in school, you are teaching them so much more than you realize.
Finishing school with a baby was one of the most emotional challenges I’ve overcome. I can remember nights when I would put my son to sleep. Walking him over to his crib, I would kiss his head the entire way. Before laying him down, I would get one last hug for the night. I remember breathing him in as if drinking from a cold glass of water, unable to quench my thirst. I never knew I could miss something so much.
Now, cut to two years later. School is behind me. I finished what I set out to do, and I can enjoy it. I have never lost the new-found appreciation of family time on the weekends. The countless Sunday study sessions that took away so much of my precious time with my son and husband are behind me. The feeling that my free time is actually mine was the most striking relief to wash over me. You will be there too someday, and that little body you hug so tight, wishing you never had to let go, will one day admire you for what you’re doing.
